He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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