I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
