So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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