we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
