god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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