How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize