uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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