I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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