I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want to have your abortion
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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