I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
