He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
