I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
