I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
