He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I touched a dick in church today
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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