I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
