obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
