so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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