The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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