There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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