I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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