I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize