btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
