yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
