he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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