Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize