Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
