You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
