I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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