once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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