so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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