can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
