Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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