he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
