didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
