Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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