One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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