Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
