we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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