How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
