I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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