so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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