I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
