three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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