i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
