i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
