Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
