A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
