I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
