im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
