And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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