I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
