i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
