Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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