why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
