Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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