lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
