This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
