if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
