saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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