Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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