Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
third nipple confirmed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
