My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
