I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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