Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
