I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
