She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
