is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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