I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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