you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
