Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
