It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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