it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
please don't ironically join a cult
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