When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
