I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
