Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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