When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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