her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
