fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did I show you my penis last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
