This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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