To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
