Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
