I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
