Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
