The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
