If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
