True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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