You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So squirting runs in the family.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
