Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
