Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
false alarm. still invincible.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
