Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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